Musings

New name

Thu, 08 Jan 2004 07:06:53 GMT

I decided I'm going to use a new name from now on. My /new/ journal is at www.livejournal.com/users/panell

Woo!

Wed, 07 Jan 2004 23:04:09 GMT

So I didn't have to worry about my grades. I'm /very/ pleased with how they came out ^_^. My GPA went from a 1.77 to a 1.94. And one of my classes was a D+ and now it's a A-.

I'm currently on my Christmas break, I don't go back to college until the 19th of January (Aren't you envious? ;)). But other than that, I don't have much to talk about.

What I got for Christmas:

A bunch of Pern books (Renagades of Pern, All the weyrs of pern, Dragonseye, Chronicles of Pern: The First Fall)
I traded in an extra book for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
My sister got me FFX-2
Xenosaga
Clothes
Inu Yasha DVD2
Gameboy Advance SP (Cobalt)
LoTR: tTT for advance (traded it in for FF tactics)
The Sims Vacation
The Sims Hot Date
The Sims House Party (my sis got Makin' Magic ^^)

I know I'm probably forgetting something, but that's about it. I was so spoiled this year...

Booorrreeedddddd

Fri, 12 Dec 2003 03:29:27 GMT

Have I mentioned how terribly bored I am? At the moment, I'm currently RPing at Silverskies and browsing avidgamers, but I just can't seem to quell my boredness, so I'm here.

Today was my last official 'class'. Next week is exams, I might only go two days, Tuesday and Thursday. Depending on the weather, I might go Monday to get some work done.

I'm doing well, I just need a nap right now, didn't get a whole lot of sleep again last night. I'm actually doing well in school this time 'round, or so I think.

I need a job, desprately. I'm so low on money it's not even funny. No one's hiring. I /need/ a job. I was thinking about going back to Boston Scientific...

Not much has happened since last time...my Aunt died. But she's not one I really liked a whole lot, so it's not like I care. Sis is going to graduate soon, and she'll be going to a different college. Yay, phone all to myself ^_^.

I rented FF X-2. I just have one word to say: Awesome. I want to buy it but I don't have the money, Christmas, maybe...

...

Tue, 18 Nov 2003 01:25:14 GMT

I've decided. I'm not going to leave my weyr anymore for RP. It's much more safer in my weyr and my feelings aren't hurt.

Another rant brought to you by a pissy Wul

Sun, 16 Nov 2003 04:13:22 GMT

So yeah, I'm in another bad mood. This isn't meant to upset anyone.

Okay, so it's been a while and I've still been MUSHing. I just don't talk about it quite so much lately as nothing interesting has been happening.

I would just like to say this: What's the pont of RPing if you're just going to get ignored? And what's the poing of hanging around the MUSH if I just sit around and idle all day because people ignore me?

Don't say they don't either. I have sharding proof that they do. A few people in particular *eyes*.

So, I say, why am I still there? Because I have nothing else to do than log on and stare at the monitor all day hoping some RP happens. Don't tell me to be proactive, either. You don't think I haven't tried to go out into public places for RP when people are on? They just sit around and idle like I've been doing.

So, what's the point of all this? I'm sick and tired of everything. I'm seriously getting about ready to leave once and for all and take all of my characters with me. After all, what's the point of RPing if I hate it?

Oh, in other news. I impressed again. A'kent and Disorderly Bard Brown Ressamth at PernWorld.

growls

Tue, 28 Oct 2003 17:35:26 GMT

I HATE YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH >_________< <^>. You can freaking kiss my ass for all I care.

*Snorts* Yes, Mrs. Fuckerman's (you all know who this is, and if you don't, look back.) at it again. *snorts* So it's MY fault that I have trouble waking up in the morning. She shouldn't schedule class so early in the freaking morning. I /hate/ mornings.

Oh well. My math teacher's crazy. She's a certified genious but she's out there....way out there. She wants us to write a stupid 3-5 page essay on a children's book that's about math. And she wants us to see if we can fidn 'secret meaning'. I've read the book a little, and there IS no secret meaning *growls*

My other teacher's nice at least. She's fun to listen to, and she likes to talk.

I've had a long week, I need a vacation.

Oh. I need a job --'. I'm getting low on cash again and I'm still paying off the jeep's insurance. Thankfully it's starting to go down some. I just need a job...I'm thinking about going back to Boston Scientific.

Bored...

Sun, 12 Oct 2003 17:53:33 GMT

So I should do my homework, but I'm Rping at the moment and I'm being lazy. I'll get to it tomorrow after I get home from class. Things are finally back to normal now. I only have three more tennis classes and I'm done with gym! Wheee! I hate gym. Only three more classes...

I should study, too...

Oh well. Not much has been happening lately. It's been quite dull. My sister and I went to go watch Underworld. I thought that was kinda cool.

Boooreeeed

Sat, 04 Oct 2003 14:24:00 GMT

Okay, so I'm doing a lot better now. I've just been horribly tired lately. I've even gone to bed at 10 and 11 (when my normal bed times are around 12-4 depending on the day). I got up at freaking 9 am today. --' Oh well. I feel awake, and that's the only thing that matters.

I've got so much homework to catch up on, it's not even funny *sighs*.

But, I am doing a lot better, I sill miss grandma, and always will.

I just need to find something to keep me entertained, I should do my homework but probably won't do it until tomorrow or Monday. Doesn't need to be handed in until Tuesday.

sigh

Tue, 30 Sep 2003 18:38:58 GMT

I don't even know where to begin to express what I'm going through right now. I miss grandma. I was so hoping that she'd open her eyes again and smile that smile of hers. The last two days have been really hard to take. But wherever she is now is a whole lot better than being alive. The last few months of her life was really hard for her, and I respect her decision to die. It doesn't mean I don't miss her, though. I still say 'let's go down to grandma's' when I talk about her house. My mom and dad are trying to get rid of the habit by substituting grandpa instead of grandma. I don't want to stop calling her house that. Because that's just one of the many ways that she will live on with us.

I miss her. I'll never hear her call me 'Kara' instead of my name, I'll never see her warm, welcoming face whenever we go down to the house. Never hear her complain about how she wants to help with the dishes...

I never really said good-bye to her either. I don't like saying good-byes. They're so final...

I'll miss her alot, and so will everyone else. She was a wonderful, loving woman. And we all loved her as much as she loved us.

...

Sun, 28 Sep 2003 13:57:21 GMT

Grandma passed away yesterday. Not much more to say than that.

....

Wed, 24 Sep 2003 17:59:14 GMT

The first death in my familiy, one who's really close to me. My grama is dying as I type this up. What origionated as cancer in her esophogas has now gotten to the point where she wants to die and will not take her medicine. She had a stroke, and also now has fluid in her heart.

I went to see her today, they had her on morphine and she wasn't really with it. But there was this one time when she looked really awake and saw me and smiled before she went back into her drug-induced sleep. I didn't stay long, I didn't see the point if she would just sleep. The only thing that mattered was that she knew I was there. This was my second time seeing her in the hospital.

The first time I just started bawling, I couldn't stop crying and so mom and I didn't stay long. This time I managed to keep composed, it wasn't as hard as the first time. But the first time she was still taking her medicine, she knew everything around her was happening. Now she's on the morphine and though her eyes are open, she's not there.

It was hard to look at, but I managed to keep my family company for a short period of time before my mom and I left. Mom and Dad and everyone else have been switching nights at the hospital, often sleeping over.

The doctors say she has two weeks to live. Her kidneys are still strong, so she has a while. Once her kidneys start to fail...then death will be closer.

I have to admit, I don't like hospitals or seeing sick people much...

Sad...

Sat, 13 Sep 2003 07:24:15 GMT

The weyrlings graduated today (T'shar's clutchsiblings). It was a heck of a lot of fun, though. There was a gather and we each received two gifts. I got a box to keep Evelynth's treasures in, and a ring ^^ spiffy! Then after the graduation, there was a huge gather which was a lot of fun. There was a firelizard hatching, too. And T'shar impressed Green Llwys ^^.

It's so sad *sigh* I'm gonna miss weyrlinghood. At least now T'shar's behaving himself, Evelynth'll be the first to rise.

'Friends'...or are they?

Sun, 07 Sep 2003 23:07:00 GMT

Yes, let's talk about those people that you call 'friends'. You know, the only thing they're good for is stabbing you in the back when you're not looking. Sure, you might think they like you, when they say 'Oh, I'll call you every day', or 'Oh, you're fun to RP with, we should do this again sometime'.

But you know what they're really doing? They're trying to get you to /think/ that your buddies, and the moment you turn around they tell someone how horrible you are, or they laugh at the fact that you thought they were cool.

This is the one reason why I don't have those evil things that you call 'friends'. Because my definition of a 'friend' seems to be much different from theirs. A 'friend' is someone you can trust, depend upon. Someone you can talk to and not be afraid that they'll immidiately run to the next person and tell them everything you said.

No, there is no one like that in this world. So, why do we bother? Because we like the company? Because we /like/ being stabbed in the back? I don't know.

But we must, or else we wouldn't seek friendship in the first place, right?

So what's the point of making friends if all they do is hurt you later?

But if 'friends' are so bad, then what about those people we consider 'best friends'? Oh, I bet they're even worse than the lower form of 'friends'. You see these evil counterparts have evolved from the form of 'friends'. They have evil plans for you in store, they'll wait until they have every bit of data from you, pretend that they are indeed the right definition of 'friend'. They'll make you pour out every single thought and emotion until they have everything.

Then? Then the evil people will go off and make your life a living hell. Yes, these people are the evilist of the evil. You have been warned, my 'friends'. Stay far away from these types. And the next time someone says to you, 'I'll call you every day', or 'You're such a good RPer' stay far, far away and cancel your friendship right there and then. For they are only plotting evil things for you in the future.

And if you should happen upon the real definition of a 'friend'. Do not be fooled, for it is not as good as you think it is.

This rant has been brought to you by Wul. Remember, it's not Pix News unless it's Wulpix News.

WOOO!

Fri, 05 Sep 2003 16:56:06 GMT

I feel /great/. I'm /so/ awake right now. I had at least 12 hours of sleep last night ^^. I feel so energetic and ready to go. It's the first time I've felt like this in a while. I've been so exhausted and couldn't get the sleep I needed.

I'm back to school now (yay). The good thing is, that I only have two classes with Mrs. Zuckerman this year. It's laid out so that I only have to have her once a day, at 8 a.m. in the morning. It's not that bad ^^ I get rid of her quick and while she's still in a semi-good mood.

Oh but I feel /wonderful/. I could rant about that all day ^^. It's not as if anything good has happened, but I feel good, and that's the only thing that matters.

Graduation for T'shar's gonna be on Friday the 12th. Not sure if I'm gonna be able to make it because of stupid sis, but I can try. I'm just so happy I feel awake for once.

...

Mon, 25 Aug 2003 00:38:53 GMT

Okay, so every once in a while I get into my little 'moods'. I'm alright now, I was just bothered by a few things when I wrote the below posting.

--' School's next week! Noooo! Don't make me go! I don't want to go with the evil men and learn!

And yes, sometimes I take a few things farther than I should, but that's just how I am.

Anyway, I'm just gonna shut up now before I say something else stupid.

sighs

Thu, 21 Aug 2003 01:04:35 GMT

Why? Why do I keep doing this to myself? I want to know. Someone tell me? Why do I keep putting myself into positions that I know I can't do a decent job of? *sighs* Everything I do is wrong, and when I do something wrong, I pay dearly for it. Why do people even bother putting up with me? Why do they keep complimenting when I know it's all false?

*sigh* I've been thinking lately. And I /might/ (I stress the word might here folks) idle off of the PernMUSHs I belong to. I can't even do a decent job of it, I don't even know why people even bothered impressing me.

I love to RP, and I love my charries, and I love the MUSHs in general. Don't get me wrong, I'm just musing to myself outloud so I can ponder it later. I just sometims wonder why.

Although, I probably shouldn't idle off, not with the current responcibilities I've been given. But, then again, maybe I should...

...

Sat, 16 Aug 2003 19:28:25 GMT

Tammy hasn't called me yet, she said she would. *sigh* So much for that, I knew she wouldn't. Oh well.

*cackles* I got out of work early Thursday because of the blackout. I'm so happy ^^. It's all over with now.

I saw Grandma the other night, she looked aweful *sighs*. I hope she gets better, though I highly doubt she will.

We're going to go to the fair this week and Monday is gonna be the demolition derby *cackles*. I don't know what about seeing cars smash each other up is so entertaining, but it is *grins*

Oh well. Not much to report. I go back to school the 3rd of September --'. Yay. Mrs. *uckerman all over again.

One more day...

Thu, 14 Aug 2003 18:03:29 GMT

One more day of hell and then I don't have to work anymore. YAY! I can't wait ^_^. I go back to school the 3rd of September. So I get a good few weeks of vacation before going back.

I'm so happy that I only have one more day. Things haven't really been going my way lately.

My grandmother has cancer in her esophogas (or however you spell that). She has a few options, but none are very good.

Work sucks, my trainer is /so/ annoying. *sigh* She's been working there for 11 years now but all she does is ask us newbies questions about things that /she/ should know. She said the other day that everyone does everything for me. Well, guess who doesn't even do her own paperwork?

I can't put up with her anymore. One more day. One more day of hell and then I'm gone.

X_X'

Tue, 22 Jul 2003 05:00:17 GMT

Two words: Work sucks.

Indeed, it does. It literally kills what little time I have to do things I would like to do: like RP. I HATE working. I never get to RP anymore because of it, no one is even on a whole lot when I am. It sucks. Oh well...at least I'm getting paid....

*laughs nervously* Remember last time how I had been obsessed with the SouCon Hatching? Well, most of the candidacy was during school...like I said, I was obsessed about that hatching. I immidiately logged on when I got home and wouldn't log back off until I went to bed. I didn't stay to do stuff I should have done, and I very rarely did my homework.

As a result, my GPA is 1.77. I need a 2.0 to maintain my financial aid. So, guess what? I lost my financial aid.

Fun. Really fun. I need to make about $1,000+ dollars so that I can pay for collage. Not to mention the fact that I have to pay $200+ dollars on the jeep every month. Sometimes I wonder why I don't just grab a gun and shoot myself while I'm ahead...

new icons!

Mon, 14 Jul 2003 15:47:20 GMT

I have new icons ^^. I had to get rid of Sean and Rocketh, though. Oh well. I now have: Nuriko *points to her current one* Tasuki, and Touma.

X.X

Mon, 14 Jul 2003 15:26:41 GMT

Pain....my shoulder is killing me... I can't even move it anymore without it hurting. I don't want to go to work today, it will kill me.

*sigh*

Anyway, I got: two books (Dragonsinger and dragondrums), The Sims Deluxe, Fushigi Yuugi Eikoden (I wanted the series --'.), a few clothes, and Excel Saga 5.

I got myself: Poke Sapphire (Quiet!!!), and Fushigi Yuugi (the WHOLE series which only costed me $67).

NUURRRIIIIKOOOOOO!!! Why'd you have to die?!? ;_;. The ending of FY was /so/ sad...I miss Nuriko...I think I'll get a diff avatar and replace that with the one of Touma *points to her current avatar*

Happy b-day to me....

Thu, 03 Jul 2003 04:02:16 GMT

Today's my birthday ^^ I'm 20 today. Whee! It's kinda scary, though. Next year I'll be of the age to drink (not that I will, I don't like alchohol.) But anyway, happy birthday to me!

I doubt I'll get a whole lot *sighs* I have to wait until tomorow...

^^

Mon, 30 Jun 2003 13:09:09 GMT

I'm in love with my two dragons ^^ Evelynth and Varanth. They rule all other dragons. It's going to be /so/ interesting to RP proddy T'shar *cackles insanely* Last weyrling hood T'hvan was the evil male greenrider. This time, it's me muhahahaha! Revenge! I'm going to have so much fun ^^

My new job is /really/ easy. You put the lable on the pouch, put the pouch aside. Put the lable on the pouch, put the pouch aside. Sometimes I even get to stuff the pouches! Put the stuff in the pouch, set it aside; put the stuff in the pouch, set it aside. It's so easy! And I'm getting paid 7.50 a freakin' hour to do it! The only drawback is that I work when everyone's online, which sucks cause I don't get to see very many people ;_;.

I can't believe one person didn't impress at the hatching. I was so sure that she would, I would've been willing to bet on it. I was absolutely sure she was either going to get the gold, or my dragon. But, she was left on the sands with nothing. It's amazing...

OMG!!!

Sun, 29 Jun 2003 03:12:41 GMT

I impressed again! Remember Teshar on Silverskies? Well, I impressed! He impresssed a green dragon named Evelynth, she's based on Evelyn Glennie a musician. Evelynth is /so/ interesting.

I can't believe it, I was absolutely positive I wouldn't impress due to some things that happened recently at SS. But, I did! I was the second to last to impress. But, all in all, I'm happy it's over with ^_^. I love Evelynth *snugs her*

http://monaco.silvertree.org/dragons/records/0603.htm#teshar

I'm T'shar and Evelynth ^_~. I'm so stunned! This is awesome!

Oh, and news on SouCon, I was the first to be tapped! I'm in Starflame wing ^^. Em's in the same wing, it's cool!

Bored, again...

Wed, 18 Jun 2003 04:53:51 GMT

Remember when I talked about my shoulder hurting way back? Well, it's bothering me again. More than before. I can barely type without it hurting. This is the main reason why I haven't RPed in a while.

I'm tired....and I need something to do. I wish there was something to do, RP to join. I /should/ log back onto SS, but they're spamming the knot, and I don't feel like leaving.

Well, I went to that stupid drug test today -_-'. It was annoying. It's over with though, and I know I'm drug-free

Guess what they're paying me!!!

$7.50 A FREAKIN' HOUR!! That's like the best pay I've ever gotten! *dances around happily*